As I was talking to my husband about the jumble of thoughts going through my head the other day, when he suggested I had hit my very own midlife crisis. This is a thought that had already occurred to me so I’ve come to the conclusion this is basically what I’m going through. We both hit one together so that’s making life super interesting. It’s a good thing we have 28 years of a history together to help us weather our current messes we feel we are right now!
We got married young and started a family right away. I put my career plans on hold to stay home with our first and ended up as a stay-at-home Mom as my career! That has lasted the last 25 years and I’ve loved every minute of it! It’s not over but it’s winding down to a point that I’m feeling very lost and confused about where I’m going and what I am now.
The girls still live at home but are in their 20’s, in college, and very independent. My son has soaked up every last bit of free time I could possibly hope for, for the last 12 years, and I think he is a lot of why I’m feeling so lost right now. He was little and required so much time and attention, then I started homeschooling him in first grade. Homeschooling was so much fun as I always wanted to be a teacher! I spent so much time working with him on his education and I’m proud to say his state test scores were always above average. He is still homeschooled but now finishing 7th grade and it’s more online school than homeschool. The last few years I’ve been working with him toward independence and I did a great job of that, I must say, because he is doing fabulously with very little help from me! YEA!! And yet boooo!! That means after years of sitting with him all day working on school, doing his activities, being his Cub Scout Den Leader, Cubmaster, etc etc etc… I found myself sitting around playing stupid iPad games waiting for him to need me. He still does, I have places he needs driving to and electives and things to teach him but I have enormous amounts of free time! This seems like something to cheer about but after all this time it left me with a lot of questions about how worthy I am of breathing air at this point in my life. Nobody needs me I might as well eat worms!
My first step out of my recliner and self pity was my sister-in-law started selling Rodan and Fields which turned into me selling Rodan and Fields. This was a totally flop for me as R&F really isn’t my kind of thing. However, the whole thing opened up a bunch of doors and ideas for me. As my ideas are something my sister went to school for I called her.. how do I do all these things! She’s become my cheerleader and help and if wern’t for her I might be much farther on my iPad games than I am!
I hit a road block and a pit of doom and gloom as my ideas just aren’t meshing, I’m worthless, boo boo woe is me, so I called her again for a pep talk and have a new plan. This blog started one way in November, I deleted a bunch of things, came up with a new idea in March with my step sister-in-law and Stampin! Up!, but, while I’m still selling Stampin’ UP! and learning cardmaking etc… I’m now re-vamping my ideas again. Little Sis assures me I will find my way. This post is the first step in my next phase of finding myself after going from full time and a half Mom of 3 to more of a part time Mom in need a remodel. Hmmm Maybe I’m I the blueprint phase…